All sorts of emotions!

We celebrated family time this past week in wonderful Disney World! My parents and the 4 of us had a wonderful, warm, fun, amazing week! I will never forget the facial expressions of my children as they saw their favorite characters or experienced different rides or watching them walk hand in hand with my parents in a truly magical spot! It was awesome!

But, as with lots of things, it was not without issues :(! I contracted a horrible stomach flu Friday evening and was in bed all day Saturday--I slept through most of the day after being sick all night! I missed a day with the fam in Disney and missed Valentines Day :(! I was truly bummed and my sister got quite the teary, depressing phone call from me that day! But, I am blessed it was short lived and I was able to enjoy the rest of the trip! I also experienced GREAT anxiety while flying. My mom was wonderful in reminding me that God cares for me, cares for the plane, cares for the pilot, etc. If I do not or can not acknowledge that, there is something wrong! I had a horrible time trusting God's ability to protect me and my children from harm in that plane--such a horrible time that I was in tears on the way back! Why? I spent quiet time thinking about that when we got back. Why can't I trust our Father, the one I turn to with everything yet can't trust with life??? And my heart and my aching heart told me, each day I pray for God to help me wake up, to help me serve Him and use my life to glorify Him! But, I don't know if I have ever relinquished complete control of my life, of my kids and their lives, since losing my own child and her life! I have such a horrible time leaving my kids, letting others do things for them or with them--why?? Because I want to make sure they are OK, that they are "safe" from harm! I can't bear the thought of losing them so I bear the weight of protecting them from all! Seems crazy I know but that is what I do! That is what many of "us" do that have lost our babies, our children, our dreams! We just don't want to feel that pain, that ache, that hole again! Today, my prayer is that I can trust God with my children's lives and with my own! That I acknowledge He has a plan for them, for me, and He had and has one for my sweet Cicely Grace! Her life first made me a mom!!!