March Madness!

I bet you thought I was going to give you my BB picks right??? Well, I am not! March Madness for me is quite different! It is the month in which God chose to take one of my children to heaven and to give one of my children to Josh and I to raise here on earth! Its a month that is FILLED with all sorts of emotions, memories, heart pains, etc.

As Riley's birthday (March 2) approaches, I find myself getting excited and anxious all at the same time! For it was those weeks in which I was awaiting her arrival and also the weeks in which I was praying for God to heal Cicely! It was also in that timing in which I asked for God's will to be done--that we were giving Cicely's life to Him and praying for peace! The time in which I remember labor and delivery with Riley and Cicely and how different those days were! In these weeks I always struggle with sleep, with conversation, with life in general! The other night I was getting changed to go the gym and I just started crying! I felt weak, out of it, just not right! Josh said--whats wrong?? I didn't know, I couldn't find the words, I just wanted to cry and cry hard! The pain of being homesick for my child is so strong at this time of year! The song, "Blessed be the name" rings LOUD and CLEAR in my head in March! He gives and takes away, but my heart will choose to say, blessed be the name of the Lord! Is this why He chose my girls to be born less than two weeks apart--to have such a tangible example of faith and love through good AND bad??? I don't know but its certainly a gut, heart wrenching few weeks in that way for me!

I have been praying deeply for God to give me peace in these weeks, in these weeks in which I get so very anxious about losing my earthly children, in these weeks in which my emotions feel like a roller coaster from one moment to the next, these weeks in which I just need to cling to my heavenly Father with all I have to get through it, and these weeks in which I just want to hold my baby--just once see her eyes! Lord, grant me peace! For I know you chose this path for me with great tenderness, grace, mercy, and understanding! Jer. 29:11