Mary's Song

I have been doing so much thinking about my path--the path God chose for me and my family--the path of losing our child and really what that means! I have been doing more thinking about it than ever and I think its just because of the people and circumstances He puts in my path that makes me think about it, makes me heal, makes me hurt, makes me serve Him through it all! It is and was such a weary path--a weary road for us to walk as a young, newly married couple, to carry a baby that by all tests and known facts, was NOT going to survive outside my womb and her days were numbered even inside the womb! To give birth to a baby knowing that she would be immediately returned to the hands of our Savior! It was scary, unknown, painful, horrible, lonely, etc. We felt like no one could help or really understand................

Well, everytime I hear Mary' Song (breathe of heaven), I think about my own journey! Its one that not many understand unless you have walked it, although unfortunately I know many that have! And let me make myself clear--I AM NOT COMPARING ME TO MARY, I just can relate to many of her emotions in a very real and tangible way! She too traveled a wearisome road, caring the Son of God inside her young body. I am sure she was confused, in pain, scared and lonely. And although he was not stillborn like our Cicely, He too was given to God, to be given as our Savior! She couldn't have possibly known what was ahead or what God's plans were, but she was sure of His love and knew that He would use her to glorify Him. She asked for God's love, help, protection and peace. I am sure she knew by the end of her earthly life that she had been used in incredible ways despite the pain she endured!!

Breath of Heaven- Mary's Song
Amy Grant
I have traveled many moonless nights
Cold and weary, with a babe inside
And I wonder what I've done
Holy Father, you have come
And chosen me now
To carry your son
I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now Be with me now
Chorus:Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Light in my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy
Breath of heaven
Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one one should have had my place
But I offer all I amFor the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me beHelp me
(Chorus)(Chorus)
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven

I love this song!!! Even though our Cicely was born with no breath, she was a dream, she was our heaven at that time and still is! I asked and continue to daily ask God to help me, to hold me, to be forever near me! I ask him to allow HIS will and plans to outweigh those in my stubborn brain :). This song is Mary's song, but man do those words hit my heart directly to the core! Every time it has turned on in the car or in a store, the tears flow and I have a really hard time stopping them! Why? Because I think of our sweet Cicely, a sweet girl like Riley, and her plans on this earth in my belly! Her kicks, hiccups, movements--what purpose were those for?? What was my labor, her birth, etc. for? We do not know and like Mary did not know Jesus' plans, we have to trust and be sure that God does and will reveal them in time and we will be amazed :), just as we are amazed by Jesus' birth, I am amazed at our Cicely, Riley, and Luke and I love them each deeply and fully and am thankful for the love and blessings He has given and taken away for I know it is His will! The Christmas story has hit home in the sense of Mary's journey this year as that song as hit so deeply!!!!