Well.............

Yes I have not blogged in FOREVER! Why?? I can't seem to focus on anything but preparing my heart and home for our sweet baby girl due to arrive September 9! Every time we are pregnant I think its going to be different, like somehow I won't be tense with fear and emotions! But I think that once your heart feels loss and knows the loss of a child, its just there, its part of life, you can't make it just "go away"! This time I have had some rough, deep times of fear and then times of complete peace!

I have wept deeply as Mia kicks and kicks and the memories of Cicely's kicks become so fresh! I have wept waiting to have them find the heartbeat or to find the baby in the sonogram remembering the days when they could no longer find Cicely's heartbeat or the sonogram where we saw her still heart in my womb! Pregnancy brings it all back and brings it all back fresh and hard! But I read something during this pregnancy that made such perfect sense to me! Angie Smith wrote on her blog, Bring the Rain, about her daughter breaking her arm during a cartwheel! While tending to her, every part of her wanted to say, "don't ever do a cartwheel again"! But in the background her sweet newborn girl was cooing and making noises which connected deeply with her heart! Had she decided to never be pregnant again because of the loss of her Audrey Caroline, she would not have another sweet, beautiful girl here on earth! WHOA! Seriously, pregnancy IS hard for me and I don't always like it or soak it in as some do but the end result is so worth it for me, for our family, for God's calling for our family! If I let fear take over, our Riley, Luke, and soon Mia would not be a part of our earthly journey! We mourn for Cicely's part in that, although we know that she is in the safe arms of our Father and that we will see her again soon! Brings tears to my eyes just writing it!

So, that is what we have been doing! We have organized closets, painted the girls' room pink, hung new things on the walls, washed little clothes, put down carpet, put up the crib and put new bedding on Riley and Mia's beds :), and so much more!! We are more than ready to meet Mia, to see if she looks like Riley or Luke or a total mix of the two! We are ready to have her home and a part of our family! WE ARE READY!!!